Two Beds & A Coffee Machine
by DKM
Summary: Our character is a series of defining moments, good and bad. For Lindsey Monroe, it seems the bad outnumber the good.


_**Two Beds & A Coffee Machine**_

By: DKM

Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: Our character is a series of defining moments, good and bad. For Lindsey Monroe, it seems the bad outnumber the good.

Author's Note: Everyone wonders what Lindsey's hiding; this is my attempt to explain it. Inspired by a skit I wrote back in high school for my theater class using the same song. God, I love Savage Garden! Not just sappy love music!

Disclaimer: We all wish we could own these characters, but, alas, we cannot. Same goes for Savage Garden's "Two Beds & A Coffee Machine."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Lindsey Monroe, can I talk to you for a second?" Those words stopped her where she stood, terrified of where this was going to lead. She'd been avoiding him all day now, but he didn't give up that easily.

Lindsey turned around, facing the man that had just called her name. "Yeah," she softly replied as Danny Messer pulled her into a corner of the hallway where they wouldn't be interrupting foot traffic. Looking into his breathtaking ocean blue eyes, she knew exactly what was on his mind, and it made her uneasy.

"I have to know what's going on with you. I mean you and I... we have this thing, right? This chemistry... like we're into each other. I mean every time we're in the same room together today it's like..." That apprehensive look on her face stopped him from going on and made him get to the point. "Don't tell me you don't feel it also."

'Oh, God, he had to play that card, didn't he?' Lindsey thought. She knew the time to come clean with him about why she'd stood him up for lunch was now or never, and if she didn't give him an answer now, he'd only continue to keep asking. It took her a few moments to come up with what she wanted to say, "I can't do this, Danny." It was simple and straightforward, but it just left so many things hanging up in the air.

"Can't do what?" Danny pressed.

"I can't... be in a relationship... with you." It was a blow straight to the heart. Lindsey knew she'd just done what she'd hoped she wouldn't have to do, but it was a necessary evil.

A momentary look of heartbreak crossed his handsome face before he started to stutter, looking for the right words to say, and finally replied, "I'm talking about just spending some time together, dinner, a few drinks, some laughs." She had to hand it to him; Danny Messer didn't give up easily. But there was no way Lindsey could do this to him. There was still so much he didn't know about her, so much which could possibly ruin any chance of a relationship between. She didn't want to risk it. It was better to let him go now before anything really happened.

"Look, Danny, I like you... A lot. But right now I can't. It's not you, okay. It's... I just... I need to be by myself so I can work some stuff out that I thought I had put behind me. I didn't mean for this to happen." There, she'd done it. And now she hated herself more than ever for having to let him go so quickly, before even giving him a chance. It was better that way, she kept telling herself, keeping a distance with those you worked with and those you cared about, but never really got to open up to.

"It's okay," Danny sighed, that look of heartbreak crossing his beautiful face again, and this time staying. He looked down at his shoes now, not wanting to look Lindsey in the eye. She'd just broken his heart, after all, and she knew it.

"Maybe we should just do our jobs," Lindsey half-heartedly replied, although she knew she was making it worse for both of them. That's when she decided it was time to stop and just keep on walking. She didn't want to look into his dejected blue eyes any longer, feeling his pain resonating with her own. She turned and started to make her way down the hall and out of the building.

"If there's anything you need from me, just let me know. Okay?" Danny called after her, but Lindsey continued to walk away, afraid to look back and have to see the shell she'd just created of a man she barely got to know. It hurt her to break someone's heart, but that was the only way to keep her own from being broken. After a string of bad relationships, she just wanted some time to sort out her live and get things back on track before she'd ever met any of the men that would put her in the position she was in now. Memories came flooding into her mind as she started to walk down the stairwell towards the bottom floor of the building.

_And she takes another step_

_Slowly she opens the door_

_Check that he is sleeping_

_Pick up all the broken glass_

_And furniture on the floor_

Lindsey's first boyfriend, Anthony, had started out sweet enough. He was tall, about six-foot-two, with stunning sapphire blue eyes, luscious dark chocolate brown hair, and a body good to go all night. They'd met in college and started dating, then soon moved in together off campus into an apartment. That's when Lindsey finally got to see his true colors. It started out innocently enough, his first attack on her being a verbal one that dealt with the way she'd cooked him dinner one night. He'd wanted his steak medium rare, but she'd overcooked it, prompting him to call her stupid.

The verbal abuse continued to escalate until finally one day, he slapped her across the face, knocking her down. Anthony had been angry that she was spending too much time on campus with her study group, getting ready for finals, and thought she was sleeping around with one of the guys in the group. Lindsey denied the allegations and defended herself the best she could, but the slap came anyway, followed by a quick apology. Lindsey had taken it, thinking it would never happen again, that Anthony was a good man, and that all men had their problems. But when he did it again and again and again until one day he put her in the hospital with a broken nose and a sprained wrist, she'd finally had enough. They broke up that night, and he was charged with assault. She transferred to another college and was glad she never had to see him again.

_Been up half the night screaming_

_Now its time to get away_

_Pack up the kids in the car_

_Another bruise to try and hide_

Another alibi to write 

But that didn't mean Lindsey wouldn't fall for someone else. Now a college graduate with a career on the fast track in forensics, Lindsey Monroe felt like she was on top of the world and that feeling only doubled when she fell for one of her coworkers at the lab. His name was Roger, but, unlike Anthony, he was on the shorter side, about five-foot-nine, with sea green eyes and a little bit of a belly, but still pleasing to look at. What had attracted her to him was his ability to make her laugh and his witty sarcasm.

At first, they took it slow, dating for almost a year before moving in together. Roger had been a sweet guy, just like Anthony, always buying her flowers on their anniversary or taking her out for a nice walk in the park, weather permitting. But after a series of straining cases that involved long hours in the lab and nights spent alone while the other was in the field, their relationship started to fall apart. Roger began going out with his buddies every night to "get a drink" as he put it while Lindsey stayed at home, alone. She gave him as much space as he needed and took it as a sign that maybe a little time by themselves wasn't such a bad thing.

But as the months ticked on, Roger's mood also started to change. He became angrier when her career started to advance while his stayed where it had been for the last few years. He'd take it out on her verbally, badmouthing her every chance he got with things like, "You must have slept with him in order to find that piece of evidence." Lindsey only sighed at the comments and every once in a while would deny his accusations. She continued to give him space until he finally had had enough.

One night, after getting completely drunk out of his mind with his buddies from work, Roger returned from the bar fuming. Lindsey didn't think much of it, considering he'd never done anything to her aside from calling her a tramp or a whore. But in his crazed, drunken stupor, Roger was a force to be reckoned with much more so than Anthony. He grabbed Lindsey by her hair and dragged her into the living room as she kicked and screamed for him to let her go. Roger let her go, violently throwing her onto the hardwood floor, her head slamming against it with a big thud.

Lindsey almost blacked out from the collision, but feeling his hand grab her by the arm catapulted her back into consciousness. Roger pulled her back into a standing position, but this time he backhanded her, the hot sting of his hand another wakeup call. But it didn't stop there. He flung her against the couch and jumped on top of her so his body held her down as he continued his assault. With his white knuckled fist, he punched Lindsey in the jaw, the pain making her almost double over. "You stupid bitch!" he screamed over and over again as he continued to hit her until she finally couldn't take it anymore and just passed out.

_Another ditch in the road_

_You keep moving_

_Another stop sign_

_You keep moving on_

_And the years go by so fast_

_Wonder how I ever made it through_

It was a day later when Lindsey woke up in the hospital, her jaw wired shut, her nose broken yet again, her ribs, arms, and legs severely bruised, her face almost completely black and blue, and her skull fractured. Two detectives were standing at the foot of her bed wanting to take her statement about what happened. She was terrified of having to relive the experience, and refused to press charges against her former lover. Instead, she decided now was the time to start fresh. A new life in a new city would do her some good, she thought, and when she got that call from Mac, her dreams of getting out of Montana were finally realized.

But there were still things in Montana that she could never leave behind, such as her parents, who, like herself, had relationship problems. It was amazing how quickly Lindsey's mind could take her back to her childhood and all those memories. Her father had been a police officer, her mother a schoolteacher. They had been high school sweethearts and married right after graduation with dreams of starting a family someday. Both had gone to the same college, during which they had Lindsey, in their sophomore year. Their lives couldn't have been happier than at that moment. Everything was falling into place, including their desired careers, which got off to a great start.

Unfortunately, as time passed on, the marriage started to become strained. Lindsey's father would work long days and some nights while her mother stayed home to watch her. At the start of their eighth year as a married couple, there came another unexpected surprise, Lindsey's sister, Emma. That was when things turned sour. Lindsey hadn't known it then, but Emma had been a mistake, something she came to realize when she got older.

_And there are children to think of_

_Baby's asleep in the back seat_

_Wonder how they'll ever make it_

_Through this living nightmare_

_But the mind is an amazing thing_

_Full of candy dreams and new toys_

_And another cheap hotel_

_Two beds and a coffee machine_

_But there are groceries to buy_

_And she knows she'll have to go home_

At first, her parents would just bicker at the dinner table, their words low and biting. They'd nitpick at each other; her mother saying her father was never home, and her father saying her mother was trying to suffocate him. But as the months progressed, the shouting got louder and more pronounced, and their words became harsher and harsher, until that night when their fighting reached its pinnacle.

Lindsey had been lying in bed, curled up under her warm comforter, when she heard the loud screams coming from down the hall in her parents' bedroom. It was soon followed by the shattering of glass, prompting Emma to begin crying in her crib, which was on the other side of the room. Lindsey quickly ran over and picked up the baby, gently covering her ears as she rocked her back and forth, hoping it would calm her down so her mother wouldn't have to worry about them.

Another loud crash came from down the hall, followed by a thud. That's when the yelling finally stopped. Lindsey settled the baby back into her crib when Emma stopped crying and tiptoed to her own bed, lying down with her comforter drawn tight against her body, but she couldn't get to sleep. Her mind told her everything was okay, but her heart felt otherwise. She knew something was wrong, but she was too afraid to go look.

An hour passed before the door to Lindsey's room opened. Her mother walked in, visibly shaking, and sat down on her bed. Her eyes having already adjusted to the darkness, Lindsey could see the bruises all over her mother's face, her attempt to cover them with makeup failing miserably. "Mama?" Lindsey asked, her voice coming out small and terrified. Her mother shook her head and held up her trembling hand to shush her. A couple of tears ran down her already red face, smearing her makeup.

_Another ditch in the road_

_You keep moving_

_Another stop sign_

_You keep moving on_

_And the years go by so fast_

_Wonder how I ever made it through_

"Come on, sweetie, you need to help me for a minute then we have go," her mother said, standing up from the bed and walking to Emma's crib to pick her up. They walked out of the room together towards her parents' bedroom. When Lindsey saw the furniture and glass strewn across the floor, her chocolate brown eyes widened in disbelief. Her father was nowhere to be found. "Help me pick some stuff up, but don't touch the glass," her mother instructed.

Lindsey did as she was told and within a half hour, the room was spotless, minus a mirror and a vase. Her mother grabbed their coats and took Lindsey by the hand as Emma slept against her other arm. They quietly walked into the living room where her father lay passed out, a beer in his hand. Her mother pulled her towards the front door, not allowing her to say a word until they were outside.

"Mama, is everything okay?" Lindsey asked.

"Everything's fine," her mother replied, eyes staring forward instead of down at her daughter.

_Another bruise to try and hide_

_Another alibi to write_

_Another lonely highway in the black of night_

_There's hope in the darkness_

_I know you're gonna make it_

Lindsey didn't ask anymore questions from that point on, just took her mother's answers for what they were worth, never telling a soul about what she'd seen and heard that night. They stayed at a hotel for the rest of the week until her father finally came and picked them up to take them home. He said he was sorry over and over, but sorry didn't mean he wouldn't do it again. On the contrary, there were several more fights that ended the same way, with her mother being beaten almost to the brink of unconsciousness and taking the girls to a hotel until their father had cooled down.

When Lindsey was finally old enough to ask her mother why she didn't just leave him for good, she got the answer, "Your father has his faults, but he's still a good man. He keeps a roof over our heads and he keeps us fed, so I can't complain."

"But, Mom, he's hurting you," Lindsey pointed out, unable to understand why her mother was still so attached to this man that constantly abused her.

"Shush," her mother replied, not wanting to hear it. Funny how one little action could have so many repercussions for all those that experienced it.

_Another ditch in the road_

_Keep moving_

_Another stop sign_

_You keep moving on_

_And the years go by so fast_

_Silent fortress built to last_

_Wonder how I ever made it_

A sudden epiphany hit Lindsey as she found herself in the main foyer of the precinct. Every single one of these moments had contributed to her inability to let Danny into her life. She was too scared that he'd be exactly like everyone else; coming off like the nicest guy in the world then turning into a monster. But she knew Danny was different. She could feel it in the depths of her soul. Maybe she'd let him go because she was afraid she wasn't good enough for him. Lindsey knew that thought would eat at her for the rest of her life if she let it, but she pushed it out of her mind and continued walking. She was a survivor; she'd get through it like she had everything else, even if it meant keeping everyone at an arm's length.


End file.
